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Day 1: My name is David. I’m 44 years old, and I’ve been married for 25 years. My wife, Sarah, and I have had a good marriage, but lately she feels it’s been a little stale. I admit we don’t have sex as often as we used to, but I just figured she wasn’t that interested, and besides I was getting enough relief with masturbation.
I guess I should say I was, before she found out and read about this program for helping middle aged couples get the romance back into their marriages. It all wraps up with a week at a nude resort for some intensive couples therapy. That sounded fine by me, but the preparation ahead of time lasts a month and starts with me being locked in a chastity device that prevents erection, let alone masturbation.
Sarah “suggested” that I start a journal about my experiences in this program so I could reflect on it later if the details became unclear. So that’s what this entry is all about.
I haven’t been in the chastity device for more than a couple hours yet, and already I don’t like it. It’s a terrible feeling knowing that my most personal body part is beyond my reach and control. Frankly, it makes me feel less like a man. I did promise to give this program a chance, but so far I don’t know how this can possibly work, and if it doesn’t, well we may end up quits.
Day 2: The chastity device is pretty uncomfortable but she tells me I’ll get used to it and it won’t seem a bother. I don’t know how she’s supposed to know this since she isn’t wearing one and hasn’t even got the same equipment. But I have to admit that some adjustments she made to the ring size and spacers has made it a bit more comfortable.
I don’t think I could ever forget it’s on. For one thing I have to sit down to pee. I learned the hard way that you don’t bend straight over in one these things, you have to sort of crouch by bending your knees. It felt like I was going to pull my nuts off when I simply stooped straight down.
Sarah has also disconnected my internet access. She says it’s just temporary, but she wants to make sure that I don’t even get to look at any erotica. I hadn’t thought about that. Perhaps I would have at some point, but right now if I can’t stroke my cock I’m not sure what the point is of looking at porn.
Day 7: Sarah insisted on handcuffing me to the bed before she took off the CB as she calls it. I thought I was going to get lucky when she began to fondle me. Instead she didn’t remove any of her clothes and just got me hard and close to cumming several times before locking me back up.
When I asked her what this had to do with anything, she just smiled and said “you can’t miss what you’re not thinking about.”
I think that was just mean, and I don’t see how getting me frustrated is going to help get the romance back in our lives. She does have something of a point. This last week I was so preoccupied with getting used to the device that I hadn’t really thought about sex much. Well I’m thinking about it now, a lot!
Day 14: The last week has been Hell. Teased and brought close to cumming every evening, but not even so much as a glimpse of her tits. I do appreciate the time out of the cage, but this last week has been much more difficult than the first week, and not just for being longer since I got to cum.
As it was apparently designed to do, the nightly teasing has me thinking about sex a lot. I’ve been replaying the teasing scenes in my mind almost continuously. I know that is only making my torment worse, but I can’t seem to help it. I keep wishing she would just open her robe a little and let me see her tits.
Once when she was getting up from the bed after relocking me I thought I got a glimpse of her bush. There was a definite twitch in my cage in response. Tonight there was no teasing just the start of a lot reading material about relationships.
The first essay was all about how women perceive sex. I actually found it interesting in that they seem to focus a lot more on the arousal than just the actual climax. Oddly I could relate a little to it, since arousal was all I was able to experience for a week. I could see that I have come to appreciate, if not fully enjoy, the arousal alone.
Day 17: I’ve been teased about every other night, including tonight. I’m trying to tolerate it by simply enjoying the arousal and forgetting about any chance of getting to cum. All she has to do is walk into the room and I start thinking about sex. Sometimes, especially if she acts very flirty and sexy, it’s an agonizing desire to have sex, but other times it’s just arousal and I see her and can’t help but think about when she might play with me again and when I might get to see her body.
I’ve continued the reading of the relationship material. A lot of it is centered around how women view sex and how much their ability to enjoy it depends on their ability to trust the man they are with. Frankly, it seems like a terrible disadvantage, to not be able to enjoy sex just for the fun and sensation casino şirketleri of it without having this other factor involved. I was able to relate when it described trusting that he wouldn’t make fun of her appearance or her sexual responses. I could see how that could certainly put a damper on a guy’s fun too.
So maybe this wasn’t that hard to understand. Beyond just the mood kill of the insult, she needed to feel that it was safe to be vulnerable. Another thing it mentioned was the simple physical differences of the ordinary sex act contributed to this. For example, sticking a penis into a pleasurable “sleeve” feels a whole lot less physically committed than having something stuck into you. I had never really thought about sex that way. If it required letting someone penetrate me I might be a little more particular.
Day 18: That business about being penetrated for sex turned out to be prophetic. Today Sarah told me we were going to have sex and I got so excited that I thought I would cum in my chastity cage. Then I saw her “coy with a secret” smile, and knew something was up. She opened her robe to show me a strap on penis she was wearing. Mind you I still couldn’t see any of her nakedness, just this enormous cock sticking out from her hips.
She was quick to correct me that it was roughly the same size as me, and therefore NOT “enormous” but “adequate”. She reminded me of the many times I had nagged her into allowing me to use her anally, and that I ought to like it in return if it was “no big deal.” And since she would be using something no bigger than me, I really had little room to complain that it wasn’t fair.
Despite the soundness of her logic I still begged her not to, but it was no use. Soon I was crying and begging her to pull it out. She used a lot of lube and was slow and gentle in her thrusts; still, it stretched and hurt quite a bit. I told her I couldn’t believe that this hurt her as much as it was hurting me.
I asked why she hadn’t told me it hurt. She answered that women were tougher than men, and that she had said that it hurt, but that I had responded only with how good it felt to me. She told me to relax by imitating the motions of taking a shit. Strangely that did seem to help and the pain level dropped quite a bit almost immediately.
“See,” she said, satisfied that I had to admit she knew a thing or two about this. Then she said “there’s a better chance you will enjoy this more than I would, because of the way men are different inside.”
I could feel her strapon pushing on something inside that didn’t exactly feel good, but wasn’t all bad either. Suddenly I felt like I needed to pee. I told her we had to stop, she just told me I didn’t need to pee and to relax and let it happen. I protested but she wasn’t going to stop or let me up, so I thought I would just show her and quit fighting it. Maybe if I pissed all over the bed she’d realize she’d gone too far. It felt like I was peeing, but when I looked down there was only a small pool of what looked like cum.
Seeing that, Sarah announced “that’s all for tonight.” Then turning at the door, she said, “if you feel a little let down for not getting an orgasm, welcome to the club.”
After she left me alone I could feel that the horniness I had been feeling was lessened a little but not enough to feel satisfied, not like an orgasm.
Day 21: We are a week away from departing for the resort and I have the worst case of aching blue balls that I’ve had since I was a teenager. Ever since the particularly long edging session a day ago the tenderness and pain have only gotten worse.
Today some forms came from the resort that I have to sign. Apparently there are many waivers, and some other releases. I wanted to read them more carefully but Sarah just told me that if I didn’t sign them, I couldn’t go; and that I had promised to go, therefore I had in essence promised to sign the forms and do whatever else needed to be done to go. Reluctantly I signed everything, I would just have to trust that Sarah wouldn’t let anyone take advantage of us.
The “whatever else” turned out to be an injection and some pills to be taken each day till we reached the resort. When I asked her what the medication was for, all she said was that it was part of the process and would prepare me for the exercises at this resort.
Day 23: I’m still locked in chastity, but my balls don’t ache so much. Sarah restored my Internet access today. Naturally I tried some of my favorite sites. Most were still there but I did discover that a few had been blocked by some software she’d installed. Regular erotica and femdom stuff was completely unrestricted but spanking sites that had females being spanked were blocked. That’s OK, they were never that big a deal to me.
My favorites didn’t seem as exciting. Since I couldn’t jack off I didn’t think too much about it at first. When I was younger I would be getting hard from the sight alone, but at my age it often requires casino firmaları a little manual stimulation to get erect. Still something seemed different; it was more like I was “intellectually” appreciating the hotness of the scenes instead of at a “gut” level.
Since I couldn’t react like I normally would to my porn (undoubtedly that was the idea) I thought I would try to do a little research on the resort online. That’s when I discovered that there was nothing to be found about them. Not their own website or anyone’s comments or reviews. That’s when I got suspicious.
I took a look at those pills I was being given and looked up them up on a medical website. I discovered that they were basically the chemical castration drugs! When I confronted Sarah with the information instead of being surprised or shocked she just told me not to worry, that the effects weren’t permanent.
At my continued objection she got firm said that I was going to take them just like I promised if she had to go back to the injections and wait till I slept. I could see that I was trapped, but still had to try. I pleaded with her that it might not be safe and why did she have to do that to me.
I started crying, I don’t know why, the feelings were just so strong. I said I felt betrayed and suddenly she was soft and comforting. She assured me she loved me and would never do anything to hurt me. She said she had checked out the program and was satisfied that all was fine. She reminded me that we both wanted a better sex life in our marriage and that this would get us there, I just needed to trust her. And strangely, I do.
Day 28: We leave for the resort tomorrow. It has been a week since I had any arousal or stimulation of my penis, and four weeks since I’ve seen my wife naked. Over the last five days I’ve had a chance to view some online erotica, but being unable to touch myself and “complete the job” as it were, it was mostly an exercise in mental frustration.
I did follow some of the links to online writings or fantasies about female led relationships. While those were not specifically part of the resort’s materials, Sarah looked them over and said she thought they were fine. Resort materials were focused on communication techniques for couples, although a lot of it seemed oriented to understanding what women meant when they communicated.
To be fair there were some paragraphs coaching men on how to express their sexual desires and fantasies. I couldn’t help but get the feeling that a lot of the fantasies of at least some men still had no place. I have to say that despite the difficulties so far, I think I have a little better perspective on our marriage and even if we didn’t go to the resort for the next week, I think we’d be a lot better than we were before. Of course, I’ve been told that is simply not an option – we’re going.
Day 29: Arrival at the resort was very strange. The men were separated from the women. Small groups of us at a time were ushered into a small locker room where we were told to get completely undressed and then come to the exam room. In the exam room were young attractive “nurses” in very short skirt uniforms with cleavage showing.
They had our chastity keys and unlocked us while examining us carefully. Most of it was the usual; blood pressure, heart, lungs etc. but a bit was examination of our privates, with much handling. The women were mostly businesslike, but the outfits continued to give glimpses of their charms. I got several quick views that showed my nurse was wearing no panties under that short skirt. That, together with the handling would surely have given me an erection even a week ago. But there I was limp as if I had already used all of my sexual energy for the year.
What was worse was that my mental appreciation of her sexiness was also somewhat abstract. I knew it was all the effect of the drugs I had been given before we arrived, even so, I thought that one day Nature will “castrate” me for real and how Sarah will still love me and be patient and accepting of whatever physical affection I might still be capable of giving her.
The tight, young, sexy body parading in front of me would have little use for the limitations of an old man. The drugs may have taken away my ability to get hard, or even the heat of lust, but that thought felt completely mine; and it gave me some warm comfort. When the exam was done, we were given injections and locked back in our devices (though it seemed superfluous after demonstrating that our equipment was useless) and redressed in the locker room. The rest of the day was all about communication styles and the way they differ between men and women.
Day 32: I haven’t seen any of the staff dressed the same way or acting in a similar manner since the intake exam. Perhaps that was a one time opportunity. More likely it was a test to see if our castration drugs were working.
There are four kinds of meetings to attend. The first is a sort of instructional güvenilir casino class. Sometimes it’s just the men, other times there are women as well. When it is a mixed group our wives are not in the room with us. Presumably they are in a similar group.
Then there are men’s groups where we are led in discussing a topic that might mirror one of the instructional classes, or dealing with personal issues. Sharing new insights we’ve made or things we remember from the past that worked to set a romantic mood. These are always a good source of ideas.
I shared the thought I had during our exam about the nurses. The leader was very appreciative of that sharing and said it sounded as if I was beginning to understand some important things.
The other two types of meetings are one on one and couples counseling. One on one gives me a chance to discuss specific issues (usually ones that have come up in couples). Our couples time is the only time Sarah and I are together, except for some meals. We are both under strict instructions not to discuss our issues there. Just enjoy the time together. We sleep in separate quarters, not exactly like bunking with roommates, but close. Our rooms all open to a common area, but we do have our own doors.
Day 33: I suppose you could call this day the peak communication day. This is the day we use our best communication skills to tell our wives (and they us) what we like and what we would like more of in our sex life. Before we came here I could have answered that question in a heartbeat. I had a mental list, which started with more frequent sex and proceeded to cover just about every activity that I’d ever tried and a few I thought I’d like to try.
Today it all looked a little different to me. I wanted more sex, but I wanted it to last longer and most of all I wanted to know Sarah wanted it, enjoyed it. I did have a point in mind with this; if she enjoyed it, she might want it more often and longer and that would work out well for me too.
I was aware that the long denial was probably working on me as well; before I definitely wanted more oral sex from her, today I was more interested in any sexual contact with her. I was keenly aware that no matter how good a blow job would feel, if she really didn’t want to do it I would only defeat my purpose by insisting. She would be less interested in having sex if she knew it was going to include things she didn’t enjoy.
I guess I had learned that women’s approach to sex is different; men can “power through” some things that aren’t our favorite to get to the things that are. Women apparently aren’t like that. So when asked to lead off, I just said I wanted more sex with Sarah, however she would like it. I couldn’t believe myself how simple it all sounded when put that way.
Under a few questions from our counselor we expanded that discussion to conclude that sexual gratification for me, and men in general, is actually pretty easy to achieve; it’s the women who have more difficulty getting all the parts in the right balance to get to orgasm. Sarah was misty eyed at my comments, and I thought that was a good thing.
She started her part off with wanting more and longer sex too, and that sounded great to me. She said she was so happy that I understood the difference in sex between men and women, that would make what she needed so much easier for me. She referenced the comments about how easy it was for men to reach orgasm, and the corresponding need for more build up for her.
Then she dropped the bomb I didn’t see coming. In our marriage, sex would be primarily for her benefit, and she would decide how, when and what we did. While I was still reeling from that she added that would include control over when I was allowed to have an orgasm during sex. And before my mind could even go there she commented that “of course” all of this meant no cumming without her or her permission, the implication of that was crystal clear.
It was a lot to take in, and fortunately my recent lessons in communication had me be quiet until I could frame a response appropriately. Sarah reached over and patted my leg and reminded me that she wanted more sex and it was OK for me to do things that helped get her in the mood. That was about all I could digest, so I said no more, but acknowledged her love and kissed her at the end of the session.
Day 34: I spent the better part of the day in private one on one counseling, trying to get my head around Sarah’s “demands”, because let’s face it, that’s really what they were. I struggled with the one sided basis of the arrangement, and the counselor only reminded me that things had been pretty much one sided before, and when they were going how I thought I wanted (freedom to masturbate whenever I felt like it) the marriage had fallen into a stale and dull rut.
My own realization about how all the “eye candy” at the infirmary on check-in only reminded me that Sarah was who I needed for sex was brought up. I was reminded that Sarah had said that she definitely wanted more sex, so how was that a bad or scary thing? Most of all, we talked about the differences between men and women and their sexual response. This was in the reading material we were sent before we arrived.
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