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I’m of an opinion that my DNA deserves to survive, but it seemed that fate was stacked against me.
I’m an intelligent, creative, productive guy. A geek who was never very good with the ladies, but effective enough in life to feel that the Human Race would do better by continuing my legacies than by multiplying the average human.
Despite my general social ineptness, it wasn’t that I couldn’t find a mate. I did find a wife and, as planned, we created 2 children to carry on the genetic code in addition to sharing all of the joys of parenthood. My legacy seemed assured.
But one child was suddenly killed in a random car wreck. It was just “one of those things that was nobody’s fault”. He was there and then he just – wasn’t. That shook the little faith I had in any grand plan of the Universe. It’s not that I felt that God had forsaken me, but the contemplation which followed my child’s departure – made me question much about societal expectations and mores – and I began to notice how many laws and strictures were aimed at controlling other people when it was really none of society’s business in the first place. I also noticed how much time is wasted in Western Society – in trying to conform to a constantly-changing definition of what is right and cool. By simply making my own right and cool, I found a freedom in thought and action and I found an amazing amount of free time suddenly became available to me. Don’t misunderstand: I still believe in “The Golden Rule”. I don’t just run rampant, but it was stunning to me how much of our lives we waste in either trying to control other people or worrying about what other people will think of us.
With one child gone, that left one, but that remaining child also examined the expectations with which society had tried to force compliance – and concluded that children were not the best choice for them: they didn’t want to spend their life in being a parent. So they got themselves sterilized to be sure to prevent that possibility.
That left my DNA as leaving the gene pool. My subsequent reflection of “Life, the Universe, and Everything” left me feeling that I really didn’t care what happened to the Human Race – once we reached that future moment when my remaining child left the Earth. I reconciled myself to the idea that I would never have grandchildren and proceeded with my simplified life.
In parallel with my personal psychological voyage, society had been radically changing some of the controlling policies. I was born during an era of repression. Much of that repression has been discarded in my lifetime. It was a great time to have lived. Women’s rights. Civil / Race rights. Many changes in not only attitudes but in laws. In my lifetime homosexuality has progressed from being a crime to becoming generally accepted. I have been struck by how attitudes casino şirketleri and laws about sex have struggled to keep up with reality. I’ve felt that the specifics of morality might need to be reevaluated in light of the radical changes in fundamental assumptions about which truths “we hold to be self-evident”.
It was in that state of mind that I received and accepted the invitation to my very-first gay wedding. I was rather proud of myself that I had transformed my attitude to be one of acceptance. And then I got rather ashamed that I was silently congratulating myself on how open-minded I was when the struggle and pride should belong to the gay community. I tried to refocus my attention on the couple: my niece, Patty, and her spouse-to-be, Cheryl.
As her uncle, I had watched Patty from birth as she negotiated the triumphs and failures of life and I remembered the photos of her Prom night – proudly standing in her gown with the young man standing next to her – with the limo waiting for them. I realized how confusing and difficult that may have been for a young woman figuring out what her sexual orientation was – even in comparison to how awkward my prom experiences had been – without those confusing factors. It gave some scale to the significance of how far she and her intended had come – that they could be proudly standing in front of the assembled well-wishers – getting married.
I was surprised to see that the couple had chosen to maintain the traditional structure of weddings: my niece had adopted the traditional groom role while Cheryl was the bride. Patty and her attendants wore tuxes while Cheryl had a white gown and was really beautiful. I hadn’t really met Cheryl before and she shone as a bride does on her wedding day.
They settled into their married life and I settled back into mine.
A couple of years went by and then I got an email from Patty.
“Hi, Uncle. Married life is going well for us. Cheryl and I agreed before we got married – that we wanted to have children and we think we’re getting settled enough to want to get started. You’ve been very supportive of us and we wondered if you would mind helping us in our plans. Obviously, we can’t do things in the traditional way, so we’ve been considering our options.”
I responded: “Patty and Cheryl: I knew that you had planned to have a family and I agree that you have shown yourselves to be well suited to parenthood. You make a better couple than most couples I know and I would be happy to help in any way that I can. Would you like to continue to talk here – or would you like to phone?”
Patty’s reply came quickly: “Let’s see how it goes here on email for awhile, OK? Let me start by talking about our options.
“First, we could adopt, but we’ve done our research and find that it takes a lot of time and money and casino firmaları that gay couples have it even tougher than straight couples – in getting approval. In addition, we really feel that we want to pass our genetic code along to future generations: we think that we have more to offer than the average person and, well, some of our desire to have kids – is the ancient imperative to carry on our own line. Adoption doesn’t satisfy that desire for us.
“Second, we could find a donor and have invitro fertilization and implantation. That requires a donor. We could do anonymous selection from a sperm bank, and that would let us pass along Cheryl’s DNA. But that requires lots of expensive doctor visits and still has half of the DNA coming from a stranger. Yes, we can afford the expense, but it just seems like the money could be better spent – like on starting a substantial college fund for our baby. What do you think?”
I quickly replied – asking for time to do some reading and give a considered reply, then spent a few days with Google – reading up on alternatives and possibilities. Then I responded: “I’m not surprised to confirm what you two had found and decided. Neither option sounds ideal. Did you have another option in mind, because I did not find any others in my reading”.
The next email I received said: “We do have another option in mind. We would like for you to bring Aunt Janet and come to dinner to talk about it. Is Thursday good for you two?”
I confirmed the dinner date – and settled into wondering what was in the wind as a proposal.
Thursday arrived and I collected my wife and we found ourselves being ushered into Patty & Cheryl’s home. They had, indeed, settled into married life and they were doing well in their careers. We all enjoyed a nice meal, then adjourned to the living room and the expected moment of silence arrived – hanging over us – until Patty cleared her throat and forged ahead.
“Uncle Dave. Aunt Janet. You know that you’re here to discuss ‘The Third Option’. Let me warn you that it could be perceived as being embarrassing and indelicate, but we’ve gotten used to dealing with difficult and indelicate situations all our lives – given our circumstances, so please try to set aside any traditional assumptions and receive this with an open mind. Remember how much attitudes and feelings have changed. PLEASE don’t be embarrassed.”
She paused a moment to collect herself, then continued, “Cheryl and I have read and thought a lot about this. We understand that a woman’s chances of conceiving – go up significantly if she has feelings of love while she’s having sex.”
Despite all of the conversational preparation, we glanced around at each other at having broached the actual subject of having sex. She was our niece, after all, not our daughter.
Then she güvenilir casino continued, “the point is that we feel it would be physically and economically and emotionally best if Cheryl got pregnant the way women have been getting pregnant forever: by having sex with a man. And we want that man to be genetically very close to me.”
She let the silence close around us for a moment while the implication – and conclusion – formed itself.
My eyes involuntarily flew open a bit more and I looked at my wife – then back to Patty.
“Are you asking me to impregnate Cheryl? Is that what you both want?”
They both nodded – fearfully checking our eyes for a reaction.
Cheryl spoke up, “We’ve agreed that you would be the best choice – if you and Aunt Janet are willing. You and I are not related at all – so there’s no issue with that. And you’re genetically closer to Patty than anybody but her Dad – and we just can’t bring ourselves to ask him. So you’re the choice.”
Cheryl looked me in the eye and continued, “Now, perhaps this goes without saying, but keep in mind that you and I feel the same way about sex partners: we both like sex with women and we both feel that sex with men is undesirable and – well – distasteful. But what we’re proposing is that you share our bed until I get pregnant. Patty and I will make love like we usually do, but choose positions that will let you do what you need to do. We do realize that in order for you to play your part, you need to be – well – erotically excited – and that’s OK. We’ll try to help keep the atmosphere from being clinical. I mean, after all, we might as well all have fun doing this. It’s OK. And, yes, we realize that it may take a couple of months for it to take – and we’re OK with that.”
Patty picked up the explanation, “NOBODY will ever know except the 4 of us. We’ll tell everybody else that we got an anonymous donor. We also don’t want you to participate in the baby’s life as his/her father. She will have 2 parents and that’s enough. You’re both very welcome to be a big part of her life as her uncle and aunt.
“So. What do you think?”
I looked at my wife, raising my eyebrows. She just nodded, then started a group hug between the 4 of us.
So it was agreed.
I visited whenever Patty & Cheryl determined that it was a good time to try. We made a point of staying dressed around each other normally – in order to maintain the excitement of seeing each other undress when the time came.
Patty & Cheryl would then make love. As married couples who are truly in love do.
And I would find a way to slip in and to ultimately make my contribution, then we would make a “Cheryl sandwich”: Patty and I flanking Cheryl, cuddling and dozing.
It took less than 2 months before we all cheered when the EPT proved that their baby – and my genetic future – was on the way. Truly a miracle – each of the billions of times it has happened in human history. But this time, perhaps a little more unique in its beginning than most.
Life is good.
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