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Babes

Donna and Nellie’s Tits I arrived at the pub late one evening after a tense day at work. I found Donna sitting at ‘our’ table with Nellie who was wet eyed and sad looking. I enquired what was the matter. ‘I’m going to have them off,’ said Nellie. I was not clear what she meant. ‘My tits,’ she said, lifting them pointedly. ‘Nobody ever remembers Nellie the charming barmaid, just Nellie with the big tits. Nobody at work says, “take it to Nellie the first class secretary,” they just say give it to the chest. I’m going to have them reduced.’ ‘Don’t be wet, Nellie,’ said Donna. ‘They are a national monument. That would be like cutting a bit of Winston Churchill’s statue or removing the tips off Tower Bridge.’ I put an arm around Nellie and hugged her. She sobbed. ‘I hate them. It’s as if they are all I am!’ More sobbing. ‘I’m just a pair of boobs with a smile above them if anyone ever bothers to look that high.’ ‘Well,’ said Donna, ‘They do have a certain arresting quality.’ I glared at her. ‘It’s a big decision, Nellie. Why not give it a bit of time. Think about it.’ ‘Good idea, College. After all, Nell, you’ve sort of grown up with them. You might miss them. I know I will.’ I glared again. Donna looked at me as if to say, ‘what did I say?’ and continued, kaçak iddaa ‘like College says, mull on it for a while.’ ‘Do you think I haven’t? Look at the bloody things. It’s like having a horse’s arse down my shirt.’ ‘She has got a point,’ said Donna, mercilessly. ‘What brought this on, Nellie?’ I asked quietly. And then it all came out. Apparently she had been asked out by a man, Sid the plumber, who had taken her to another pub. He’d introduced her to some friends and there was a lot of drink taken. One of the friends had said to Sid that he’d won and there was a lot of winking and nudging. Sid, when questioned, admitted he’d had a bet with a mate that he’d pull a bird with bigger tits than his friend. Nellie had poured her pint of Auntie Mary’s Old Jilling Ale over Sid’s head, much to the amusement of the assembled crowd and gone home alone and in tears. It was at this propitious moment that Sid entered the bar. He looked shame faced and walked hesitantly towards us. He went to speak but Donna stood and faced him with a finger to her lips. I thought she was going to speak to him but instead she lifted her knee viciously and accurately into his groin. He collapsed like a burst balloon and a small cheer rose from the regulars in the pub kaçak bahis who had heard Nellie’s account of the affair. Nellie brightened considerably. The following evening Nellie was back behind the bar. Her knockers were on display in a t shirt that could barely contain them. Her demeanour was cheerful and, as I ordered a glass for Donna and me I whispered, ‘Have you reconsidered?’ ‘Too right I have. I’m taking Sid to a party.’ I could not hide my surprise. ‘I have a bet with my friend that I could find a bloke with more bruised bollocks than she could! That Donna of yours has a really good knee action – I’m bound to win.’ Later that evening, in bed, I hugged Donna and realised that sometimes tea and sympathy are no substitute for direct action. ‘Knees must, when the devil drives,’ said Donna. I won’t tell you what her knee was doing at that moment but it was considerably more tender than the affection it had shown Sid. Donna and Global Warming ‘This must demonstrate our commitment to reducing our carbon footprint,’ said Donna. We were sharing the large bath which blessed my flat. I was sitting, back to her, between her raised knees, my head back on her shoulder as her soapy hands roamed at will over my shoulders. I murmured my agreement. illegal bahis ‘I have never been totally convinced by the science of global warming but I can see that energy conservation is a good thing.’ Another murmur as her hands insinuated themselves under my arms and her nails ran lightly over the sides of my breasts. ‘See, College, it occurs to me that whilst we may reduce our footprint by sharing this tub of water I suspect that in a short while you will start getting all unnecessary and the energy you use and the carbon dioxide you exhale, that being a so-called greenhouse gas I think, will negate any environmental benefit that may have accrued as a result of our not having two baths.’ She seemed determined to get me all unnecessary as she called it. Her right hand was now doing something lovely to my right nipple while her left had wandered southwards and was working some magic there. I nuzzled into her neck and lifted my hips a little, the better to feel her digital exploration. ‘There you go! You’re what I’d call a bit of a self-starter this evening.’ ‘Bloody get on with it!’ Not the most romantic words ever uttered to a lover but the best I could manage in the circumstances since my breathing was coming a bit hard and I was feeling distinctly necessary. ‘Patience, College.’ ‘Patience be damned.’ I moved in a less than elegant manner, half-standing, turning and straddling her thigh, lying over her and riding that thigh as I kissed her mouth hard.

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