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Gay man finally steps out of the closet on Nude Day.
Gary and Eddie are best friends and have been best friends, since forever. Somewhere along the way of their friendship journey, Gary fell in love with Eddie. Tired of hiding who he was and how he felt, he hoped to use Nude Day, as his personal pretense, to show his true feelings for his best friend, figuratively and literally.
Gary always looked at his friend, of course, they were best buddies. Never looking at him in the way he looked at him now, however, it was as if he was seeing him for the very first time. More gazing at him than looking at him, he had love in his eyes and hopefulness in his heart. He looked at Eddie in the same way that Eddie looked at Stephanie, whenever he unexpectedly happened to see her.
“Isn’t she beautiful, Gary? You’d never know she had two children with that hot body.”
“Forget her, Eddie. It’s time to move forward with your life. She’s married.”
Stephanie was Eddie’s unrequited love. Even though, she’s since married with kids and no longer available and interested in having a relationship with anyone other than her husband and children, he still longs for her. Never able to tell her how he felt about her, pining away after this one woman for years, ever since high school, and rejecting all others for the love of her, she doesn’t even know he exists. Now, it’s too late.
After watching the way that Eddie acted over Stephanie, Gary didn’t want that to be his fate. Tired of longing after Eddie in the way that Eddie moped around over Stephanie, he no longer wanted to harbor secret feelings of how he felt about his friend. He needed to tell him how he felt now for fear of regretting his indecision later, in the way that Eddie did with Stephanie. He needed to know if Eddie was harboring the same feelings for him, as he had for Eddie. With Eddie saddened by not taking a chance on love with Stephanie, Gary didn’t want that to be his reality, too, by not taking a chance on love with Eddie.
Actually, what did he have to lose? In retrospect, when he thought about it, regrettably, he had a lot to lose. He could ruin the close relationship he’s had with Eddie, since forever. With his heart broken, he could lose his best friend. Then again, he could gain a lover, the love of his life. It could be the worst and the saddest day of his life or the best and the happiest day of his life. Still, considering how strongly he felt about his friend, he loved him, he really did, and he felt it was more than a gamble; it was a risk worth taking.
He felt, no doubt, the same way that Eddie felt about cars. Eddie was a regular car buff and would sell his soul to own a select few automobiles. The kind of car one would mortgage one’s house or pimp out one’s mother to own, Gary looked at Eddie in the same way that Eddie looked at that shiny, black, custom Mustang Shelby Cobra on the dealership showroom floor that they saw last month.
“Gary! Come here. Look at this car. Oh, my God. I’ve never seen anything like it. Look at it. It’s gorgeous. I don’t care what it takes, I’m gonna buy it. I have to own it. I love it.”
Eddie talked about buying it, selling everything he had to own it, that is, until the reality of the $90,000 sticker shock drained the color from his face and dashed his hope of ever owning such a car. He figured the car cost half that, maybe even as much as $60,000. He never thought the Mustang would cost more than a Corvette and as much as a Mercedes. Why so much money for a Ford?
“Eddie, I think you’d better look at the sticker price first, before you write a deposit check.”
“Holy shit! Ninety frigging thousand dollars? Are they kidding me? That’s a rip off. For what? A Ford? Gees, Gary.”
Much in the way that Eddie has a long list of friendship qualities and admirable attributes necessary to have maintained their close friendship for so long, so did the Mustang have a long list of custom options. Recaro seats, special paint, 20″ one of a kind custom wheels, beefed up suspension, Brembo brakes, navigation system, custom stereo, it was all there. The car had a full list of options that filled two pasted to the passenger side window pages.
In the end, it was still just a Ford, albeit a Mustang Shelby Cobra and, in the end, this was still good, old Eddie, his best friend. Even after Gary confessed that he was gay and, even after confessing his love for his friend, in the end, he was still Gary, albeit now gay, love sick Gary. He wondered if rejected by Eddie, if he’d treat Eddie differently or if Eddie would treat him differently. He wondered if their friendship survived, how it would change?
Would his friend reject him, as he did the car, just because of the low rent name and the exorbitant sticker price, without even taking a look inside and taking it out for a ride? Just as he had made up his mind about the car, would he make his mind up about him, too, without looking inside of Gary and taking him for a spin first? Or would it be more complicated and emotionally charged than that? Was casino şirketleri Gary setting himself up to go for a walk in a mine field?
Would Eddie be angry? Would he meet him halfway? Would he allow Gary to experiment his new sexual orientation with him, first, before rejecting him or would he close his closet door and close his eyes to Gary, as a lover and as a friend? Gary worried his coming out now was premature, but he was 25-years-old and he wanted to get on with his life with or without his friend.
“He loves me. He loves me not. He loves me…”
So much like picking the pedals off a flower, Gary needed to know, if Eddie shared his closeted feelings.
Maybe Eddie didn’t share his feelings. Maybe he wasn’t gay. Maybe Gary was setting himself up to have his heart broken. Maybe all his consternation would be a mute point because their friendship would be over or a new and exciting sexual relationship would begin. A 50/50 chance, with a lot to lose and so much to gain, was it was worth the risk? Gary thought it was because he had a hunch that his friend was hiding as deep in the closet as he had been.
The heart pounding and pulse racing feelings that he had for his friend was the same feelings that Eddie had, no doubt, the first time they went to Fenway Park to see the Red Sox play the Yankees. Only, it was a bittersweet memory, when the Red Sox lost a twilight doubleheader to the dreaded Bronx Bombers. With the games lasting so long, too long, drinking one too many beers and eating one too many hot dogs, that was still, by far, one of the best times of their lives. A dream day come true, they were giddy with excitement and they never laughed as much.
“Gary, do you believe this? I’ve died and gone to Heaven. I can’t believe I’m sitting here. I can’t believe it. This is a dream come true.”
It was a spectacular day, their special day that they still wax on about today, years later. Winning the seats on a radio sports talk show, they were treated like celebrities, given a personal, private tour of the ballpark, before the game, and each received an autographed ball, a hat, a bat, and a team jacket. Surely, that would have been enough, but then they met the manager, Terry Francona, and even got the autographs of several of the newly acquired players.
The best part of the day was hanging out in the locker room and sitting in the dugout during the doubleheader, before going up to the radio booth to meet the announcers, then Sean McDonough and Jerry Remy, and put on camera as contest winners. Red Sox fans all their lives, having grown up in Boston, bean town, it was a dream come true. Wanting to recapture those moments, when they were both so excited, Gary hoped this confession would free them of their secrets and excite them with the possibilities of living life together as a committed couple.
Filled with hopeful expectation and romantic anticipation, star struck and on Cloud 9, that’s the way that Gary looked at Eddie now, in the same way that Eddie viewed the Red Sox team then. Only, filled with a feeling of foreboding trepidation, there was a dark cloud of anxiety on Gary’s horizon that was laden with the glimpse of misery that he could have, should his friend reject him as a lover. He knew he was walking a dangerous path filled with obstacles of morality planted there by strangers, family, friends, and even his religion.
As a gay man, a leper within his own family and among his straight friends, if he stepped out of the closet now and admitted that he was gay, a sexual choice that was still frowned upon and looked upon, as if there was something wrong with him, his life would change forever. Never could he go back to just being Gary without having the attribute of gay preceding his name. He’d forever be gay Gary. He’d be the nameless, faceless gay guy. Safe to leave him caring for your drunk and naked girlfriend, he’d be the gay friend you’d want to take shopping with you or ask a question of that you’d never dare ask one of your straight friends.
“Is it wrong to tell a woman that I love her, while she’s blowing me? If I wait until after she’s blown me, I’d never say it. What’s the protocol on that, Gary.”
“Ideally, Eddie, you should have told her that you love her before she blew you.”
“Yeah, well, if I did that, Gary, there’d be no need for her to blow me at all, would there?”
“You have a point there, Eddie.”
No doubt, he’d be an outcast, never again able to harness those feelings of friendship, warmth, and love that he had, before confessing to his friend that he was gay. Or was he imagining all of that? What did it matter if he was gay? Would that matter so much to Eddie, if his best friend was a gay man?
Would everything remain the same and the only thing changing was his personal sexual orientation? Even if Eddie wasn’t gay, why couldn’t they still be friends? Why should that have to change, along with his sexual orientation? It isn’t as if he was choosing to fight with the North, while Eddie decided to fight with the South, during the casino firmaları Civil War. This isn’t death, it’s life. This isn’t war, it’s love.
Yet, other than what it mattered to Eddie, why should it matter to anyone else? He was still the same Gary on the inside. On the flip side, once he stepped out of his protective closet, he’d make new friends, gay friends to replace those straight friends, who’d surely write him off and judge him, just by his sexual orientation and nothing more. Truly, if that’s the case, then they were never his friends anyway and he’s better off without them. Good riddance to them.
After all, when it came right down to it, Eddie was the only one who mattered. Yet, Gary feared that Eddie may spurn his sexual advances. What if he doesn’t want to deepen the friendship, especially sexually, than it was now? No pun intended.
What if he doesn’t want to come out of the closet? What if he misread Eddie and he wasn’t even gay? What if, what if, what if, it was the what if’s that made him so indecisive and that made him question his decision to step out of the closet. It was his real fear of losing his best friend that made him think twice about revealing his love for his friend.
Maybe the truth would be too much for Eddie to handle. Maybe it was enough for Eddie to learn that Gary was gay without revealing that he was in love with him, too. Baby steps. One step at a time. Let’s not get ahead of ourselves.
Yet, Gary couldn’t do one without the other. Certainly, if he told him he was gay, he’d also tell him that he was in love with him. Naked by the truth of telling his best friend, someone he has known his entire life, he couldn’t hide the real reason why he was stepping out of the closet. All of this sudden purging was not so much to proclaim openly that he was gay, but to find out if Eddie loved him, too.
Bittersweet moments in their lives, as BFF’s, best friends forever, he hoped today wasn’t one of those rollercoaster moments, where his emotions went from adrenaline ecstatic with the thought of Eddie in his life, as his lover, to suicidal sad with their friendship over and ended forever. Yet, after having thought about it at long length, he had decided and chosen today, Nude Day, to not only tell his friend that he was gay but also to tell him that he was in love with him. He stopped for one last time to reconsider his decision, but he had a romantic fever, a hunger in the pit of his stomach that needed to be fed and Eddie was the only one who could satisfy his sexual appetite.
Selectively and monogamously gay, Gary had never been with a man. He didn’t have feelings for other men, at least, not in the way that he had feelings for Eddie. If Eddie wasn’t gay, too, if Eddie didn’t want him and rejected him, alone and abstaining from sex, he imagined living life as a reclusive hermit somewhere on a mountain top in a foreign land. Maybe he’d move to Texas, if Eddie turned him down. Texas was as foreign as he was willing to go.
“Where am I?”
“Texas? So, this is what Texas looks like, huh?”
“Where are you from city slicker?”
“I figured as much,” said the man adjusting up the brim of his cowboy hat before spitting on Gary’s shoe.
“Eww,” you just spit on me.
“Sorry, it’s just a bit of my chew. It will clean off real good and make your shoe look like new.”
Hoping he never had to travel to Texas to forget his friend, now taking in every detail of his face, his hair, and his hands, Gary studied him, as if memorizing what he looked like for the last time, in case it was. In fact, this could be the last time he ever saw his friend. With what he was about to do, Eddie could, conceivably, walk out the front door, never to return, and end their friendship forever. Filled with the vision of Eddie no longer in his life, filled with the vision of rodeos, real he men, and cowboys wearing leather spats, maybe Texas wouldn’t be so bad, after all.
With such grave ramifications, as serious consequences to his confession, Gary hoped he wouldn’t do that. It would break his heart not to have Eddie in his life. He couldn’t even imagine not having Eddie there to talk to about his day, about sports, and about the people, places, and memories they shared.
Again, maybe, he thought, he should reconsider and not reveal himself, just, yet. Maybe he should wait, until he knows, for sure, that Eddie is gay and shares the same feelings for him that he secretly has for Eddie. Maybe, maybe, maybe, if it wasn’t for the all ifs, then, certainly, it was all the maybes that made him crazy with angst and indecision.
Not sure what to expect, when he told Eddie the truth, he knew what he wished would happen but, realistically, stepping out of the closet was something that he needed and had to do, even if he was rejected by his friend and his hopes to be with Eddie were dashed. He hoped his friend would not only understand but also would accept and want him for who he was. Yet, tired of not giving in to his true güvenilir casino feelings, he was tired of living a lie.
No matter if it was with Eddie, or with someone else, or with no one, and alone forever with his bad self, it was time that he showed his friend who he was, a gay man. It was time he told his friend how he felt about him. It was time he was open and honest. It was time.
“What time is it, Eddie?”
“It’s the same time it was five minutes ago, when you asked me what time it is. How come you don’t wear a watch?”
“I don’t like how it feels on my wrist. Besides, I can never find one I like. There are too many different watches from which to choose.”
Only, Gary didn’t need a watch to know that it was time to tell his friend that he was gay and to tell his friend that he was in love with him.
When Gary thought about it, he had always been gay. Always vehemently denying it, whenever accused or teased about being gay, he was now accepting that he was and taking pride in who he was. Not that he had feelings for other men and for anyone else, other than Eddie, only women did nothing for him. When his friends went crazy over movie stars, super models, Hooter women, and Sports Illustrated bikini babes, he always stayed in the background and smiled his indifference without comment. Women never did anything for him in the way that Eddie did.
“Gary, look at the tits on her,” said Eddie holding up Playboy magazine.
“Implants,” said Gary briefly glimpsing over, before returning to what he was doing.
“What about this woman,” said Eddie showing him a different photo of another woman. “Isn’t she beautiful?”
“Air brushing,” said Gary looking up and looking away to continue reading his book.
“Oh, yeah, how about this one,” said Eddie beaming a broad smile by the photo of the buxom blonde beauty he was holding up to show his friend.
“Makeup, lighting, and hair extensions,” said Gary looking up briefly from his page, before returning to his reading.
“Wow, really, no shit,” said Eddie, suddenly disenchanted with Playboy and abandoning the magazine for a recent issue of Sports Illustrated.
He never hit it off with any of the women he dated. He never felt anything, when he kissed them and touched them, he never felt the lust that other guys felt. If he felt anything, at all, he felt a disconnection. Oddly enough, the women he dated thought he was a perfect gentleman because he didn’t grope them and force himself upon them. Never did he reach inside a woman’s blouse and up under her bra, before putting a hand behind a woman’s head and gently nudge her to blow him.
“I like your shoes,” he said always noticing women’s shoes.
“Thank you,” she’d say always looking down at her feet to admire her own shoes, as if not remembering, which pair of shoes she was wearing.
“And your handbag is a great match,” he said giving her a soft but distant smile.
“Thanks, I got them both on sale,” she’d say giving him a look that showed she suddenly questioned his sexual orientation.
Perhaps, some of them suspected, but if they only knew he was gay, maybe they’d be insulted or maybe they’d understand. Maybe if he had shared his secret with a woman, he’d have someone to ask the advice he needed now to know about Eddie. Alone with his indecision, he didn’t know what to do. Was this the right time?
The only time he felt anything, was when he imagined Eddie blowing him, instead of his female date. He knew then and there that he harbored special feelings for his friend, feelings that he always feared revealing. Struggling to be a straight man in a world of football cheerleaders, Bud girls, Hooter women, Victoria Secrets models, and Sports Illustrated bathing suit babes, he tried getting into sexual relationships with women that never lasted. He had a difficult time mustering the excitement for a woman, when it was a man, specifically Eddie, that he wanted.
Eddie. Eddie, Eddie, he couldn’t even imagine how much he thought about his friend during the course of a day. Imagining Willie Nelson singing his famous song, You Are Always On My Mind, whenever he had a conscious thought, Eddie was always on his mind. His thoughts were all about Eddie, Eddie, Eddie. There was just something special about him that drove him crazy.
He had blue eyes and full lips like Diane Sawyer. Alone at night, while imagining Eddie instead of Diane Sawyer giving him the nightly news, he imagined kissing his lips, instead of her lips. Certainly, much younger than the news anchor, he didn’t understand why, maybe because their mannerisms were similar, but whenever he watched her talking on TV, he thought about Eddie and then later that night he dreamt of kissing him. Whenever he dreamt about kissing Eddie, when he woke up late at night alone in bed, he fondled himself, while thinking about Eddie stroking him and blowing him.
Eddie wasn’t movie star handsome, but he was certainly good looking enough. Growing up together in the same neighborhood and attending the same schools, they had been childhood best friends. Charmed by their pasts, their history preceded and interfered with their present and their dialogue was filled with all that they experienced, growing up together, as long time best friends.
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