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My Life as a CuckoldLiving with a cheating spouse.After the first year of marriage, my wife began an affair with her manager. He was the first of many men over the years. Some of them I knew about and I may have even encouraged them but most were done behind my back, in secret. Because she has these secrets, not a day goes by that it doesn’t play on my mind. One day in my angst, I typed the word ‘infidelity’ into Google and discovered Literotica.There are so many stories here about unfaithful spouses and I discovered, that they refer to me as a cuckold. Some of the stories are about men who want to be cuckold and some wives oblige them but these are not truly cuckold men. These are couples who are in a deep, intimate, sharing, and loving relationship.They are honest and truthful with one another, keeping nothing back, sharing their most deepest feelings and fears. They are secure in each others love, knowing that nothing can come between them. The happiness of their partner is paramount.Together, these lovers get on the Thrill Ride of sexual adventure, experiment and experience all that life has to offer. This is the kind of loving marriage that I wanted but my wife could not be true to me or herself.For me I find writing to be the****utic. It’s like talking to an analyst. By writing I discover more things about myself and why I reacted to events and circumstances that happened to me so long ago. Now in my mature years I have the knowledge and life experience that I did not have as a young man.Some may say, “Come on, it happened fifty years ago. Let it go.” That may be true but after all of these years, my wife is still keeping secrets from me. Every day that she keeps a secret, is another day of betrayal so it might just as well have been yesterday.It would have been better for me to have caught her in the act of fornicating with him. Sure, it would have destroyed my ego but we both would have had to deal with it. It would have been out in the open, where she would have had no choice but to be honest with me. I can forgive the infidelity, I cannot forgive the deceitful lies.She chose to keep her affair a secret. She disconnected her emotions from me and attached them to another. Leaving me adrift with feelings of emptiness, loneliness, self doubt and questioning my own sanity because she kept telling me, that I was imagining things. That it was all in my head.In many of my true stories, here on Literotica, I’ve tried to turn a negative into a positive by keeping the theme erotic. In the comments section of my stories, Anonymous has left some pretty nasty comments. He has called me a wimp, a sissy with no balls and he is right. I am a cuckold. I never wanted to become a cuckold. I hate being a cuckold. I wanted to be just like Anonymous, a strong macho, hard nosed, unlike Christ, unforgiving, alpha male but I am what I turned out to be, a submissive cuckold, dominated by my wife.My cuckolding was in the making, long before I was married.My mother was a very beautiful woman who found herself pregnant when she was a teenager. If abortion had been legal at that time, then I would not exist. My father married her. The last thing she wanted was to be married with a baby. When I was growing up, she always let me know, that if it wasn’t for me, she could have been a movie star or she could have married a wealthy man.She blamed me for our poverty, that I was always costing her money. She often took out her frustrations on me with beatings. When she had me alone, for the slightest infraction, she would strip me naked and with my father’s leather belt she would go into a rage, beating me. After the beating, she would dress me in long pants and a long sleeve shirt to hide the black and blue welts covering my body.I once ran away from home but my father caught me. He gave me a beating like he was fighting another man. Once I was old enough to defend myself the beatings stopped but the hurtful words continued.As a result of my c***dhood, I entered adulthood with absolutely no self confidence or self esteem. I never should have gotten married at such an early age.When I first met my wife to be, Rosemarie, she was in her last year of high school. She was a lot of fun to talk with, impressing me with her knowledge, intellect and a good sense of humor.At that time she was very fat and no man would give her a second look which gave me a sense of security. To think that she could be all mine.Her parents were very strict with her, keeping a close watch on her by limiting her comings and goings. Because she was a girl, she was denied a college education, only boys went to college. Her family believed that girls were to stay at home and have babies. This left her with a lot of resentment toward men.The only way she could ever get out of her parents home, in her words, “Was in a wedding dress or a coffin.” She saw me as her way to independence. She knew that once married, she could control me and once I was her husband, she would have the status of a married woman.I was bright but I was a truck driver not exactly what she wanted but I was available. She went on a crash diet and lost all of her fat but still retained her sexual curves. Men began to look at her and talk with her and I could see that she loved the attention. It made me jealous and I wished that she had remained fat.When we became engaged, her grand-father offered me a job in his construction company and she convinced me to accept his offer. By doing so, I doubled my salary, besides, the loneliness of driving a truck was getting to me. She was beginning to own me and I loved it. I fell in love with her. A deep, deep, intense, unconditional love. I forsook all of my friends. I only wanted to be with her and my whole world revolved around her.She said that she loved me and at that time, I believed her but her love was more a love of having a guy to go study with. She loved being engaged, of being a bride and she loved the status of being a married woman. She did not love me but rather, loved having me.We dated for two years, agreeing that we would wait until we were married before having sexual intercourse. I think that was a mistake. We should have had relations, this way I would have gotten to know her better but I was afraid of having a baby out of wedlock and the life of poverty it would have caused.My girlfriend worked for a finance company and she had to work on Friday nights which gave her a two hour dinner time. I always took her out to dinner and sometimes we would have dinner at her parents house.It was four months before our wedding when my fiance was promoted to the position of executive secretary for a single, handsome, young man who had just been hired. She was just out of high school and she was so excited about her new position and new manager.On those Friday nights when we were dining with her parents, she would go on and on, talking about her new boss. It was obvious to me and her mother that she had sexual desires for him. During these conversations, her mother would often lock eyes with me, whenever her daughter unknowingly, expressed her sexual availability for him.Whenever her mother locked eyes with me, she said nothing but her expression said it all, “He’s going to fuck your bride. Can you handle that?”In that moment when our eyes were locked, I silently replied, “I know he is but I love her so much and she is so happy. I just want her to be happy when she’s with me.”My in-laws were laying out a large sum of money for this wedding and now they didn’t know if we would go through with it. I was concerned about my girl friend’s feelings for her boss but there was nothing I could do. I knew that by marrying her, I was destined to become her cuckold.On our wedding day, I pledge my love, devotion and fidelity to her. She in turn, took possession of me. It was an arranged marriage, by her design. She liked me but she never really had a passionate love for me.Our honeymoon night was a big let down for me. We had our passionate time of fore play ending in sexual relations and then she went into a deep sleep. I figured that she had a very busy day and she was just very tired but the entire honeymoon turned out to be a big let down.She did not have the enthusiasm or passion for sexual relations with me that I had for her. She would put me off and we argued a little over it. She made me feel like I was an oversexed pervert, in fact, she has made me feel like that our whole married life. At the time, I was too young, too naive and I didn’t know what was normal or abnormal.From the time that I was a small boy, music has always given me a great deal of pleasure. During the two years that we dated, I always had the radio on playing music and I thought that Rosemarie enjoyed it too.While we were driving to our honey moon, she said to me, “Will you please turn off that radio. It’s so annoying.””Sorry. I thought you liked music.””Well I don’t,” she answered. So I ended up never playing music in her company to this day.After the honeymoon, we returned to work and our sex life noticeably picked up. It picked up because she had the hots for her boss and working with him all day, left her very aroused. He was a tall, handsome, single, personable, college educated guy and I could understand why she was attracted to him.Every day I dreaded the thought of my beautiful bride working for him and offering herself to him. I knew that anytime he wanted her, she was there for his pleasure and there was nothing I could do to prevent it.When she came home at night, she was all amorous from working around him, so I benefited. She would come home from work, we would kiss, caress and have a quiet dinner. Then sit and talk for a while about our day. Then she would change into something comfortable, we would watch a little TV and then go to bed. Most nights we would make love and fall asleep in each others arms. Life seemed so wonderful.Sometimes if I felt like sex and she didn’t, I would get her to talk about her job and then work the conversation around to her boss. Once she started talking about her boss, she would become aroused and we would end up making love. I knew that when she climaxed, she was thinking of him.We were married just over a year, when one night she came home from work, a quick kiss with no caress. She avoided eye contact and she seemed distant. After dinner there was no intimate conversation. She was just tired and wanted to get the dishes done so she could change. That night we did not make love, she was too tired and I could no longer get her to talk about her boss. It was the beginning of her always being tired.It seemed like there was a disconnection between us. Like some imaginary wall had been placed between us and I could not get to her. She was disinterested in me. asyabahis I didn’t know what was happening to us. Why did I feel so alone? That was the worse part, the awful loneliness and for some unknown reason, I started getting homosexual feelings that I had never gotten before.At bedtime, I was getting into bed with a beautiful, sexual women who would lie next to me and I could feel her naked body next to mine but she did not want our bodies to touch. She would pull away from me saying, “I’m so tired.”Sexual contact between us became infrequent. I was always in a state of arousal and I began loosing sleep. I began to realize that she was having an affair with her boss. I’d become angry but then I could not blame him, after all she was so beautiful, so sexual. If I were in his place I would do the same.By now I was convinced of her affair and I discovered the tell tale signs of dried semen in the crotch of her used panties. I also discovered in the back of her underwear draw a couple of pairs of sexy, lacy silk panties and bras that I never saw her wear.I confronted her, accusing her of having an affair with her boss but she denied it, saying that I had no proof. She kept telling me, that it was all in my head. That it was all my imagination. That I was getting sick and I needed help.From the start, my mother-in-law knew what her daughter was up to and what she was doing to me. I could tell by the way they talked to each other that they must be arguing behind my back. Her mother tried to make up for her daughter’s infidelity by being overly kind to me. I responded to her and we became very close but that is another story.My mother-in-law was conflicted, she liked me but she had to coverup for her daughter. I tried to talk to her but she would dismiss me by saying, “My daughter loves you very much.”It started with me not sleeping at night and then not eating like I should. I lost weight, my eyes became dark and sunken. Looking into the mirror, I saw a face of death. Lacking sleep, I became confused and began to speak incoherently.My mother-in-law didn’t like what she was seeing in me so she brought me to visit her doctor. The doctor recommended that I sign myself into a hospital as I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown.I signed myself into the hospital where they put me on sedatives to get me to sleep. After two weeks of rest and sleep, I was back to feeling my old self. I signed myself out of the hospital, A.M.A. against medical advice and returned to the environment that put me there in the first place.Coming out of the hospital, I now had the stigma of having mental problems and my wife could now play the role of the poor innocent wife whose husband is mentally unstable.The doctor had given me a prescription for a strong sedative. Now, whenever I’m unable to sleep because I’m sexually aroused, my wife would say, “Here honey, take your medication.”What I needed was the reassurance that she loved me by copulating with me but instead, she was putting me to sleep by d**gging me with sedatives and I was letting it all happen.It was the lowest, depressing point in my life. I felt so alone, so empty, so rejected. On top of that, there was no construction work, so I was unemployed.Her days were spent working with good looking guys who were college graduates. After work she would come home to a high school drop out, a misfit and total looser. I had no right to get married. I should never have been born.One morning she left for work and I went to see about a job which I did not get. I came home and backed my car into the garage. I closed the garage door and rolled down the car windows. I had a full tank of gas. I sat in the car, staring at the ignition. All I had to do was start the engine and drift off to sleep. I was twenty-three years old and I never gave myself a chance.I thought of my wife, “Let her find the body. She deserves it. No! Screw her! I’m getting out of here. I’ll start a new life. A whole new life.”Going back into the house, I gathered up my things and packed them into the car. I left her a note, “We are through. You can have the house. I’m taking the car.” I left, vowing that I would never marry again.Having no place to go, I rented a room in a rooming house that an old woman ran. $12.00 a night and for another $12.00 you could get meals.There were four older men renting rooms in that house. Two were house painters, one was a railroad worker, the other a mechanic. They seemed to have no family and probably never would. It was too late for them to raise a family. Time had passed them by.No! I did not want that kind of a life. I wanted my own family. I was lost and so alone. Two days in that rooming house and I could no longer take the loneliness. The feelings of loss and failure at marriage were overwhelming, that I’m nothing. I have nothing and my money was running out.It was a Saturday and I decided to return home. I knocked on the door and she opened it. “Oh, your back,” she said with a disappointed tone in her voice.She wasn’t too happy to see me. She wanted to be the poor wife, whose husband had left her. She wanted to be the martyr to her family and I was denying her that and her freedom. I was also surrendering to her and she knew it.Living with her and having no sexual relations was better than the emptiness and loneliness I was facing by living alone.I presented my proposal to her, “Look. I need a place to stay. I’ll help you with the house. I took a minimum wage job driving a cab and I’m going to go to school at night. Once I get on my feet with a better paying job, then we can talk about splitting up.””What’s the pay on this job?” She asked.”A hundred and twenty five a week.”Her face took on a look of disgust as she said, “You mean to tell me that you gave up a hundred and thirty five dollars a week unemployment for a hundred twenty five dollar job? You’re really not too bright.””Hey, I can’t stay idle. I’ve got to be doing something.””Okay. Bring your stuff in. I’m on my way to the supermarket. When I get back, we’ll have lunch.”When she returned from the store, I helped her unpack the groceries. As she was unpacking, she reached in a bag and took out a jar. Handing it to me she said, “Here, I bought you a jar of vaseline. Put it in your night stand.”That night when we were getting ready for bed, I undressed as quickly as I could. I was about to get into bed when she came out of the bathroom and caught me in the nude. Suddenly I panicked, I didn’t want her to see my penis. When flaccid the head of it hangs halfway down my testicles not like her boss’s which probably hangs down well past his testicles and swings back and forth when he walks, like some of those guys I remember seeing in the locker room. I remember thinking to my self, “How lucky their wives must be.”Before I was cuckold, I never thought much about penis size, always thinking that I was average but now I felt that my wife must see me as small and unsatisfactory in comparison to her boss. Even to this day, after all of these years, I still get embarrassed and try to cover up when she sees me naked.I didn’t want her to be able to compare me to him but it was too late. Embarrassed, I got into bed as quickly as I could. She was nude and she seemed to be taking her time, walking around the room while taking off her earrings. I think she was purposely exposing herself to me. Was she trying to arouse me? As I was watching her, I could feel my penis begin to stir.What power she has over me, knowing that she can arouse me by just exposing herself. She came to the bed and got in. I turned off the lamp and lay on my back, knowing that in a few minutes, she would be fast asleep.Laying there in the darkness, she moved and rested her opened hand on my stomach. I did not expect that. Just the touch of her hand on me and I become excited. My penis began to stiffen. Then she slowly slid her hand down into my pubic hair and rested it there for a moment. She knows just how to excite me and I have no resistance. Slowly she moved her hand and I felt her clasp the shaft of my erection and I sighed at her touch.She snuggled up to me. Putting her mouth close to my ear and in a soft, sultry voice, she asked, “Did you take your sleeping pill?””No.””Why not?””They leave me groggy in the morning.”Then in her low seductive voice she said, “Give me the vaseline and I’ll take care of this for you. I’ll put you in a deep sleep.”She was now dry stroking my erection. I didn’t expect to be sleeping in the same room with her, much less the same bed so I pushed my luck and asked, “Why don’t you suck it for me?””You know I don’t do that. I’m not that kind of a girl. Just give me the vaseline.”I pressed further, “Let me lay on top of you and put it in you.””No. Not tonight. Maybe tomorrow. Just give me the vaseline so I can sooth you. You like to be stroked and I love stroking your little peter.”I reached over into the nightstand, retrieving the jar. Not wanting to mess the covers, she flipped them back, exposing my genitals to the cool, dark air as I opened the jar. There in the darkness, I held the jar as she scooped out some jelly with her fingers. Then I felt its coolness on my member as she began her slow stroking. Reaching over I placed the jar on the nightstand as she continued stroking and whispering in my ear, “I love the feel of your little peter in my hand. I love how my hand slides over the head of it. I love stroking it and how it responds to my touch. It makes me feel so secure. You are so special to me. I love you so much.”Those men that I work with, they don’t mean anything to me. Oh, they may touch me and feel me or pat my ass but that’s all they do. I would never sleep with them. Every night I come home to you because you are so special and you have no right to accuse me of being unfaithful.”I started squirming, “Oh please. Let me put it in you. I need to fuck you.” I started to climb on top of her.”No! No, stay on your back.” She demanded.I replied, “No! I’ve got to fuck you,” and then there was the excruciating pain as her hand clamped around my testicles and she began squeezing them hard.She demanded again, “I said stay on your back or I’m going to crush these balls.””You’re hurting me! I am. I’m on my back. Please don’t hurt me. Don’t hurt them. Please! Oh please let go. Please.””When I tell you no, I mean no. You have to respect my wishes.””Yes, yes I will. Oh God, it was so pain full.””Now you see, you went soft on me.””It’s Okay. You don’t have to do anything. Just let it be,” I said, while protecting my genitals with my hands.”No, I can’t let it be. I have to do this. Move your hands and let me hold you again. Come on, that’s it. Oh yes, I can feel it getting hard again. First comes the pain and now comes the pleasure. Trust asyabahis güvenilir mi me. Close your eyes and let my hand give you pleasure. I know, you love the feel of my hand.”She continued her slow deliberate stroking and with her lips against my ear she continued her hypnotic whispering, “Just lie still. That’s it. Let my hand sooth you. You know that you don’t have any right to accuse me of infidelity because you don’t have any proof and that’s it. You don’t have any proof. Do you?””No. I don’t.”All the while she’s whispering in my ear, there is the squishy, rhythmic sound of her lubricated hand sliding up and down my erection bringing me into submission.She continued, “So you see, it’s all in your mind. It’s all in your imagination. I’m faithful to you. If you ever told anyone that I was unfaithful, they would think that you were crazy. Have you ever said anything to anybody about me having an affair?””No. Never.””Well, make sure you don’t because they would never believe you. Oh, the head of your peter is getting so hot and I’m getting so aroused. Do you like the feel of my hand?””Oh yes! I love the feel of your hand.” The feelings were so intense that I began to squirm and twist. I could feel myself on the verge of climax.She whispered, “It feels so very hot. Just be still. Don’t move. Let my hand do it. Oh I’m getting so horny doing this. Don’t you love what my hand can do?””Yes. I love your hand.” I began to kick.”Would you like to put it in me?””Yes. Oh please, yes. Let me fuck you. Oh God! No! I’m cumming.” My legs stiffened, I thrashed my feet as the first wave overcame me and I began shooting my load into her hand as she continued whispering, “That’s it my baby, cum. Oh, I wanted to feel it in me but cum. Cum for me.”All the while her hand continued it’s slow, talented stroking with me kicking, grunting, moaning as I came spurt after spurt, while she continued whispering in my ear, “Don’t worry about me, just cum. Cum some more. Give me all of your cum.”She continued stroking even as I pleaded with her to stop, “Oh please stop! Please! It’s too sensitive.””I will. I just want to get it all out of you so you can rest.”When she stopped, I fell into the deepest calm saying, “Oh honey, I love you. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I didn’t gratify you. Please let me do something for you. Let me bring you to a climax.”Wiping my semen off her hand onto my stomach, she said, “Don’t worry about me. I’m gratified. I get gratified knowing that I made you cum. Now give me something to wipe my hand.”I gave her my tee shirt to wipe her hands and then I used it to clean up my stomach. She refused to let me gratify her as we drifted off to sleep.The next morning she got right out of bed saying that she had a lot to do this day. As I was getting up, I noticed the jar of vaseline on the nightstand and it gave me an awful feeling of shame. It was a reminder that I did not fulfill my husbandry duties. More and more the jar became a source of humiliation, a constant reminder, that I was incapable of gratifying my wife. She would not allow me to. Although it was unspoken between us, we both knew, that she now belonged to her boss. He was now gratifying her.She discovered that she could not drive me away by denying me sex. She was now going to have to live with me so she changed her strategy. She was now using masturbation as a means of dominating me and keeping me in submission. She knew that if I didn’t like the arrangement, I could move out and live alone.That morning we had breakfast and then about ten o’clock she took a shower. She got dressed and said she was going out. I asked her where and she replied, “I’m just going out and I’ll be back later this afternoon.”Then about four o’clock in the afternoon she returned home, saying in a soft voice, “Hello Jack.”By her look and the tone of her voice, I could tell that she had been fucked and it caused me to have an overwhelming rush of shame and homosexual feelings. I answered her, “Hi. Where you been?””I was just out. That’s all you need to know. Now I’m going to change out of this dress.” She went into the bedroom. Then I heard the shower running and I knew, she had been gratified.During that week, she told me that on Friday nights, she would no longer spend her dinner hours with me. She wanted to go to dinner with the people she worked with. I had to let her go, even though I knew, she would be spending her two hours in bed with her boss.That first Friday night that she went with her boss, I laid alone, nude on our bed and imagined him making love to her. What he was doing, how she was responding and in thinking of them together, it made me angry. Then my anger turned to arousal. I got an erection and ended up masturbating.That’s what I hate about being a cuckold. Another man is fucking my wife, getting his pleasure from her and she from him. I think about them together and I get angry and not being able to do anything about it, my anger turns to arousal. In my aroused state, I masturbate thinking of him fucking her. After I ejaculate, I become ashamed and submissive.After that first day of my coming back home, my wife now keeps a jar of vaseline in my night stand with a supply of hand towels. She uses vaseline to masturbate me into a deep sleep, she uses it to calm me when I became aroused or anxious. She uses it to probe my mind or to convince me to her way of thinking and she uses it with great success, to keep me as her cuckold.My wife always masturbates me to the point where I’m about to climax. She feels my cock head expand and get very hot. She will act like she is getting very aroused. She knows that the very next down stroke will cause me to ejaculate so at that very moment, she will ask, “Will you put it in me?” She knows all too well that as I am saying the word yes, her hand is sliding down causing me to begin ejaculating.After she has completely milked me of semen, she will try to act disappointed and say, “Oh, I wanted you to put it in me” but her facial expressions give her away. She has the look of satisfaction on her face, not the look of a disappointed, frustrated wife.She wants to preserve herself for her boss and in so doing she denies me of my male dominance and masculinity. She makes me feel inadequate, like she is sacrificing her sexual satisfaction for my pleasure and I’m giving her nothing back. She humiliates me with the shame of not being able to perform my husbandry duties and most importantly, she can justify her infidelity.One afternoon, when they thought I wasn’t around, I was passing by an open window when I overheard my wife arguing with her mother. They were talking about me. I was under my mother-in-law’s kitchen window so I stopped to listen and I heard my wife saying, “Mom! Mom! Listen to me. My husband suffers from premature ejaculation. He only has to look at my bare breasts and he ejaculates. He leaves me so frustrated and unfulfilled.””So don’t show your bare breasts.””I’ve tried that. You don’t know what it’s like to get into bed with him, only to reach down and feel his little soft, mushy noodle all wet and sticky. It’s awful.”Her mother replied, “Yeah! But still! What you’re doing is wrong!””Mom! I’m not hurting anyone.””Yes you are! You’re hurting your husband.””No I’m not. He doesn’t know anything. He doesn’t suspect a thing.”Her mother continued, “He knows. Men always know when their wives are running around. Believe me. They know.””Mom! I’m not running around! It’s just my manager and I have to do what he wants or I’ll end up back in the secretarial pool at minimum wage.””Well just be careful. How about helping me with these potatoes? The time is flying by.”Their conversation turned to mundane things so I waited a little while, thinking to myself: She made up a good excuse for her infidelity, that I suffer from premature ejaculation. She probably told her boss the same thing and he was all too happy to help relieve her frustration and fulfill her. That probably became her pick up line for the rest of the men she would meet in her life.Her mother is right, I do know but I have to keep it to myself. I’m too ashamed and humiliated to admit to anyone that I know my wife is being fucked by her boss so I play the innocent, unknowing cuckold.My wife knows that if I want to maintain my dignity and self respect, I will keep my mouth shut.After waiting a while, I walked up to the door of my mother-in-law’s house and knocked. We made our greetings and then my wife began caressing me in front of her mother which I thought was odd.With her mother looking on, my wife became very sexual, pressing her body up against mine and in a very seductive tone, she asked, “How was your day?””It was Okay. Nothing eventful.”Still in her sultry tone, “Did you miss me?””Yes. I always miss you.” I was feeling uncomfortable with her mother standing there watching us and her daughter acting so sexual.My wife’s hands were now rubbing up and down my back and buttocks. She placed her hand on the back of my head and pulled me to her as she seductively said, “Kiss me.”She gave me a very sensual kiss and then just loud enough for her mother to hear, whispered seductively, “Mmmnn. I’ve missed you too. When we get home I’ll show you how much.”With that, she broke the embrace and glanced over at her mother. She said nothing but her look said it all, “You see Mom? He knows nothing and I have him completely under my control.”She stepped aside and I saw her mother’s eyes widen. I looked to where her mother was looking and discovered, to my embarrassment, a very noticeable erection tenting in my light, summer slacks.Over the years my wife has always kept a jar of vaseline close at hand, even if we go away for one night. Having the jar gives her a sense of power and security. The jar to her is like a whip to a lion trainer. She knows that if my semen is allowed to build up in my body, I will become aggressive and angry so she milks me which calms me and keeps me in submission. To her, the jar has become a symbol of her feminine dominance over me and my subservient obedience to her.During the day, the job at the taxi cab company brought into my life, a whole new cast of characters. At night school, I had another cast of characters. All of my free time was spent doing home work, mostly math problems as mathematics was always my best subject.It was at this point in my life that I began to channel my life’s path to the Chinese Philosophy, of the Tao. Everything in life began to fall into place. My life was full and my brain had no time to be concerned about what my wife was up to.To anyone trying to live with a cheating spouse, I would recommend that you distract your mind by taking a new job, or part time job or music lessons, piano, guitar or lessons asyabahis giriş in art, painting, drawing. Begin separating your life’s path from that of your spouse. For you can no longer count on your mate to be your lover and confident.After a year of driving a cab, I found an entry level position with an engineering company. It paid less money than driving a cab but it had a more promising future. It was interesting work and I immersed myself into it. Little by little I lost all of the romantic interest I had for my wife. She became my house mate and housekeeper.Over the years I’ve become friends with several couples, where the wife is just like my wife, a deceiving woman. These deceiving girls will preserve their virginity by engaging in anal intercourse or fellatio. They will do anything with any number of men for they have no morals.Then they meet one guy, who they pick out to be their husband. This is the special guy who will become her unknowing cuckold. He is the one who may not be so sexually appealing but he will be a good provider and father for her c***dren.He is controllable and becomes her status symbol. She always has to appear to him, to be chase, pure, religious and a virgin. With him, she will not do anything sexually adventurous or anything of a sexual nature. She feels that she must not look at porn movies with him or even allow him to bring a porn movie into their home, lest he think ill of her.If he asks her to suck his cock, even though she knows that she is an expert at it. That she could give him the most fantastic blow job he has ever had in his life, she will answer him with, “I don’t do that. I’m not that kind of a girl,” and the unknowing cuckold will believe her.So for them, it’s all vanilla sex, missionary style with no adventure, no exploring for excitement or intimacy.The marriage becomes so boring that the men married to these deceiving woman become unknowing cuckolds or womanizers. In my case: both.In the course of my marriage, besides my wife, I’ve fallen in love with three married women. Two of the girls were expert at fellatio and they enjoyed giving me that greatest of pleasure. Maybe that’s why I fell in love with them. Oral sex is a very important part of my love making. I love giving oral just as much as receiving it. To me, it is the greatest and truest expression of love and pleasure that you can give your partner.I’ve been cursed with a wife who says,”I don’t do that. I’m not that kind of a girl. I don’t like the way it taste. It makes me choke.” This has left me with a little resentment but then, because of my wife’s refusals, I would never have known or fallen in love with those two girls who were so good at fellatio.Now don’t get me wrong, over all of these years, my wife has been a big help to me. She is a good mother and grandmother. She is my secretary, helping me keep my appointments. She does the food shopping, cooking, washing, ironing, cleaning, bill paying and balances the checking account. She is a great housekeeper and on top of all that, she keeps a full time job, having returned back to work when our first c***d entered college.Now I would never want to do or say anything that would make her stop giving me all of these services. All I ever had to do over the years was give her little rewards, like you would treat an excellent employee.As a lover and confident, my wife has failed me miserably but it was never her expectations to be my lover and confident. She wanted a husband, not me as her lover.My wife betrayed me and I acted like a wimp. I did nothing but watch her transition herself into my ‘Pack Horse’ for that is the way of the Tao.In closing this essay, I’ve come to the realization, that I don’t want her to confess all of her secrets to me. If she revealed her secrets; She would become the most exciting person in my life. I know that I would become very aroused. I’d end up making love to her and falling back into a deeply, intense, passionate love for her like I once had. Then if she dies before me, I think the grief would overwhelm me and I don’t know if I could go on.We are old now and she is aging much faster than I am so I might out live her. If I do, then I think it will be much easier for me to say good bye to her and her secrets but then, I have secrets of my own.Another Story:On that very first Friday night that my wife went with her boss, I came home to an empty house. I took a shower. Drying myself I walked into our bedroom, feeling so alone, so abandoned, so worthless. I sat on the bed as I dried my legs, thinking of my wife and her boss. They have a two hour dinner break, plenty of time to spend in his apartment. They must be nude by now.He must be feasting his eyes on her breasts. Those breasts that only I should see. He must be feeling them, playing with them and sucking on those beautiful nipples. Running his hands over her bare buttocks, spreading her thighs, licking her pussy, getting it ready for his big cock or he may have his hand on the back of her head, coaxing her to swallow all of him.If I was a real man, I would have followed them and ambushed him and beat him senseless. Then drag her home and make her resign her job. If I was a real man but I’m a helpless wimp, who doesn’t want to disturb them. I don’t want to be in the way of her pleasure and happiness so I lay here thinking of him pushing his cock up into her womb with her wrapping her arms and legs around him, moaning in the pleasure his big cock is giving her.She wants him so there is nothing I can do to prevent her from having him. I lay back on the bed and reach into the night stand for the jar of vaseline that my wife purchased for me the week before. She must have known that I would be needing it tonight. I begin to masturbate, thinking of how lucky he is to be fucking my beautiful, sexual wife.I should hate him. I should go and fight with him but I’m helpless. She’s my wife and he’s fucking her with his big cock. He took her away from me. They cuckold me and all I can do is lay here with my jar of vaseline, masturbating and ejaculating all over myself, like the good cuckold that I am.Later tonight when I pick my wife up from work, her boss will be there. He will watch her give me a little kiss on my lips and he will smile to himself, knowing that earlier, her mouth was filled with his cock and semen. I always try to maintain my dignity by acting ignorant of what is going on but there are the smirks from his friends and employees, for everyone knows, that my wife is now his. After the first night that I picked her up, I now wait for her out in the car. I’m too ashamed and embarrassed to face those people.Earlier that evening, when my wife was first getting into his car, her younger sister saw her. She went home and told her mother. Her mother knew what was going on and she became very angry.Laying there passively on my back, holding my now spent, shrunken, shriveled penis in my oiled hand, with my semen all over my stomach, genitals and thighs, the feelings of arousal subside. They are replaced with the emotions of shame and submission.No longer having an erection, I feel like a woman who is being ****d. He is fucking my bride and r****g me. How long will he be pounding into my wife’s pussy before he shoots his load into her? How many times tonight will he fuck her and how many loads of cum will he shoot into her? How many orgasms will she have? When he is through with her, will she want to come back to me?He only wants to use her so she’ll come back to me but she’ll come back a shell of a woman. She no longer has any feelings or emotions for me. I become overwhelmed with grief over my lost relationship. My eyes well up with tears and they begin streaming down the sides of my face and I begin to sob.The phone rings! Startling me. I have to twist around so I can pick it up with my clean, dry hand, “Hello?””WHERE’S MY DAUGHTER!?”I’m too ashamed to tell my angry mother-in-law the truth so I answer her, “Hi Mom. She went out to dinner with the people she works with.”There is a long uncomfortable silence and then in a soft, subdued, tender voice, my mother-in-law asks, “What are you going to do?””Oh, I guess I’ll make a sandwich.”Another long silence and then she says, “No Jack. Come here and have dinner with us. I don’t want you to be alone.””Okay, I’ll be there in a couple of minutes.”After that, on Friday nights when my wife was with her boss, I ate dinner with her mother, father and younger sister. It was humiliating at first, to face my wife’s family knowing that we all knew at that very moment, my wife was being fucked by her boss.During those dinner conversations, my wife’s name was never mentioned. It was like she was dead and we were all afraid to say her name, lest one of us would start crying.On those Friday nights, I would always arrive at my mother-in-law’s about an hour early and we would spend that hour alone, talking. She avoided talking about my situation even though I tried. She only wanted to give me some comfort, to be there for me, to fill the void in my life that her daughter created.My mother-in-law was only twenty years older than me. She was the mature version of my wife, having the same sexy figure and I began to see her as a sexual woman.As she worked around her kitchen, setting the table, etc., she would lean forward exposing her breasts or her dress would fall open exposing the front of her upper thighs.She was standing at the kitchen sink when I came along side of her and placed my hand on her back. She let her head fall back and rest on my shoulder. I slid my hand down and felt the soft firmness of her buttock through the thin material of her dress. She looked up at me smiling and softly asked, “Do you like what you’re feeling?””Yes. Very much.”Almost in a whisper, she said, “Don’t get caught.” With that I took her in my arms and she put her arms around me. I went to kiss her and she pleaded, “No! Don’t kiss me on the lips. Oh please, no!”I could have forced her and taken her. It was what we both wanted but she had her boundaries, which I had to respect. Her husband was a gentle, loving and trusting man. If we went all the way, the burden of guilt would have been too heavy for both of us. We both knew what we were doing was wrong but it was so exciting. In the heat of some of these encounters she would ask me to take care of her daughter.Sometimes people would say to us, “You two seem to be very close.” My mother-in-law would laugh and say, “He’s the son I never had.”Over the years, we secretly loved each other as lovers and although many times we came very close, we never consummated the relationship.She passed away a couple of years ago. To the world, she was always a very serious woman but I’ll always remember how, whenever we were alone, her eyes would take on a sparkle and she would get very giddy like a teenage girl.It was about a year after her passing, that her life long girl friend and confident came up to me and quietly said, “You know, your mother-in-law really loved you.””I know, I loved her too.”End

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